How to Use a Dildo: A Beginner-Friendly Guide
A dildo is one of the most versatile toys you can own, and one of the easiest to enjoy once you know the basics. Whether you are curious for solo play, want to bring one into partnered sex, or are thinking about a strap on, this guide walks you through choosing your first dildo and using it comfortably and safely. Everything links to the dildos range at Playmate so you can match the advice to a real toy.
Choosing your first dildo
The best beginner dildo is smaller and simpler than you might expect. Size is the first thing to get right. It is far better to start modest and size up later than to buy something too big and never use it, so look at length and, just as importantly, girth. A slim, smooth model in the five to seven inch range suits most beginners. Material matters too. Body safe silicone is the gold standard, because it is non porous, easy to clean and gentle on skin. A suction base is a handy feature, since it lets the toy stick to a flat surface for hands free play and is also needed if you ever want to use it in a strap on harness.
Shapes and features to know about
Dildos come in more varieties than most people realise, and knowing the basics helps you choose. Smooth, gently tapered shapes are the easiest to start with, while more textured or ridged models add sensation once you are comfortable. Some are curved to reach the G spot, and a curved tip can make a real difference if internal stimulation is your goal. Realistic designs are shaped like the real thing, while non realistic ones come in every colour and form imaginable and are just as effective. Double ended dildos allow for shared or double play. For your first, keep it simple: a smooth or gently curved silicone dildo with a suction base covers almost everything a beginner wants.
Getting ready
Comfort comes from preparation, not force. Give yourself time and privacy so you are relaxed, because tension makes everything harder. Have a good water based lubricant within reach, as it is body safe, works with silicone toys, and makes insertion smoother and more comfortable. A warm shower or bath beforehand helps you relax, and a little foreplay or warming up on your own makes a big difference. There is no rush and no goal to hit, so let yourself take it slowly. If you feel tense or uncomfortable at any point, simply pause, take a breath, and add more lubricant before carrying on. Your body will tell you what feels right, and there is nothing to prove.
How to use a dildo, step by step
- Wash the dildo before its first use and apply a generous amount of water based lubricant to the toy and to yourself.
- Start relaxed and aroused rather than cold. Begin with gentle external touching before any insertion.
- Ease the tip in slowly, pausing to let your body adjust. There is no need to go deep straight away.
- Find a rhythm and depth that feels good, and add more lubricant any time things feel less smooth.
- Experiment with angle. Tilting the toy slightly can help you find the most sensitive spots, like the G spot.
- Afterwards, clean the toy and store it safely.
Hands free and in the shower
A dildo with a suction base opens up hands free play. Press it firmly onto a smooth, clean surface such as a tiled wall, the floor or the side of the bath, and you can control the pace with your body instead of your hand. Many suction base toys are waterproof, which makes them great for the shower, though it is worth checking the product notes first and remembering that water can wash away lubricant, so a silicone lube can help in wet settings.
Using a dildo with a partner
Dildos are not just for solo play. A partner can control the toy for you, which lets you relax completely and enjoy the sensation. They are also the heart of strap on play, where a harness holds a suction base dildo so a partner can wear it. Communication is everything here. Agree on a pace, check in often, and use plenty of lubricant. Going slowly and talking as you go turns it into a shared, playful experience rather than a performance.
Using a dildo for anal play
You can use a dildo anally, but there is one rule you must never break: only ever use a toy with a flared base for anal play. Unlike the vagina, the anus can draw a toy in, and a flared base is what keeps it safe and retrievable. Go slower than you think you need to, use far more lubricant than for vaginal play, and start with something slim. If anal is what you are curious about, our beginner anal play guide and our anal stretching guide walk through it gently and safely.
Price bands in New Zealand
| Type | Typical NZ price |
|---|---|
| Beginner suction base dildos | $40 to $55 |
| Realistic mid size dildos | $55 to $75 |
| Larger and double ended | $60 to $95 |
Which dildo should you start with
| If you want | Try this | Price |
|---|---|---|
| A gentle first toy with a suction base | 6-Inch Dildo with Balls & Suction Base | $39.99 |
| A simple, smooth starter | Dildo 7.8 Inch | $49.99 |
| A firm suction base model | 8-Inch Dildo with Suction Base | $54.99 |
| A realistic feel | 7.8 Inch Realistic Dildo | $59.99 |
| To try double penetration | Double Penetration Dildo Suction Base | $59.99 |
| A little more length | 10.2-Inch Dildo with Suction Base | $74.99 |
Do not forget a good water based lubricant to go with it.
Cleaning and care
Wash your dildo with warm water and a mild toy cleaner before and after every use, and dry it fully before storing. Body safe silicone toys are easy to keep clean, which is one of the reasons they are worth the money. Store your toy somewhere cool and dry, away from direct sunlight and separate from other toys, and use only water based lubricant with silicone so you do not damage the surface. A small storage pouch keeps it clean and discreet between uses, and it is worth having if your toy did not come with one.
Common worries, answered
A few worries stop people trying a dildo, and most melt away quickly. If you are concerned about comfort, remember that going slowly with plenty of lubricant is the whole secret, and there is never any need to force anything. If you are worried a toy will feel like a replacement for a partner, it is not; it is simply another way to enjoy yourself, and many people use toys and have a great sex life with a partner too. And if you feel a little self conscious buying one, shopping online is private and discreet, with plain packaging and no awkward conversations. Curiosity is normal and healthy, and there is no wrong reason to explore.
Where to go next
Once you are comfortable, you might explore a suction cup dildo for hands free play or read our guide to double penetration dildos. When you are ready to choose, browse the full dildos collection. Everything ships in plain, discreet packaging.