Strap On Dildos - the ultimate fantasy?
A strap-on is one of the most versatile toys a couple or an individual can own, and it is far more approachable than it might first seem. Whether you are exploring pegging, want a hands free option, or simply like the idea, this guide covers the basics: how a strap-on works, how to choose the harness and dildo, and how to get started comfortably. Everything links to the strap-on range at Playmate so you can see how the pieces fit together.
What a strap-on is
A strap-on has two parts: a harness that is worn around the hips, and a dildo that sits in it. The wearer can use it to penetrate a partner while keeping their hands free, which opens up all sorts of play regardless of gender or anatomy. Many sets come as a complete kit with a matched harness and dildo, which is the easiest way to start, while others let you mix and match a harness with a dildo of your choice. The beauty of a mix and match set up is that you can swap dildos as your confidence grows, changing the size or style without buying a whole new harness each time.
Choosing a harness
Harnesses come in a few styles, and comfort is what matters most. Two strap designs, which look a little like a jockstrap, leave the wearer's genitals free and are stable and comfortable for most people. Single strap and thong styles sit differently and some people prefer them. Look for wide, adjustable straps that fit your body, and a sturdy O ring that holds the dildo firmly. If you are buying your first, a complete set takes the guesswork out of matching the parts.
Choosing the dildo
The dildo is where you control the experience, and the same beginner rules apply as with any dildo. Start modest in both length and girth, because it is easy to size up later and much harder to enjoy something too big. Body safe silicone is ideal. The dildo needs a flared base to sit securely in the harness O ring, and if you also want to use it with a suction base elsewhere, look for a versatile model. For pegging and anal use, that flared base is essential for safety.
Getting started
- Fit and adjust the harness before you begin, so it sits snugly and comfortably on the hips.
- Secure the dildo in the O ring and give it a gentle tug to check it is firmly held.
- Use plenty of water based lubricant, and more than you think you need for anal play.
- Start slowly. The wearer cannot feel exactly what the dildo is doing, so communication is everything.
- Check in often, agree on a pace, and adjust as you go. There is no rush.
Communication is the real skill
Because the person wearing the strap-on cannot feel the dildo directly, the receiving partner needs to guide the pace, depth and angle out loud. This is not a drawback, it is part of what makes strap-on play so intimate. Agree on some simple words for slower, deeper or stop before you begin, and treat the first few times as relaxed practice rather than a performance. Going gently and talking as you go is the whole secret to enjoying it. Over time, many couples find this open, spoken style of play carries over into the rest of their sex life, which is a lovely bonus that has nothing to do with the toy itself.
Pegging and anal safety
Pegging, where a woman wears a strap-on to penetrate a male partner, is increasingly popular and completely normal. The safety rules are the same as any anal play: go slowly, use lots of water based lubricant, warm up gradually, and always use a dildo with a flared base held securely in the harness. If you are new to anal, our anal stretching guide is a gentle place to start before you bring a strap-on into it.
Strap-ons are for every couple
One of the nicest things about strap-ons is how flexible they are. They are enjoyed by couples of every kind, whether that is a woman wearing one for a male or female partner, or simply a way to add a new dynamic to your sex life. There is no single right configuration, and no assumption about who wears it. For some couples it is about trying pegging, for others it is about a partner taking a more active role, and for others again it is pure curiosity. Whatever the reason, it is a normal, healthy thing to explore, and the same practical advice applies to everyone.
Building confidence the first time
The first time with a strap-on can feel a little clumsy, and that is completely normal. Give yourselves permission to laugh, adjust and take breaks. Try the harness on by itself first to get used to the fit and the feeling of movement before any play begins. Keep that first session low pressure, with no goal beyond getting comfortable together. Like anything new, it gets easier and more natural quickly, and the early fumbling is part of the fun rather than a sign you are doing it wrong.
Price bands in New Zealand
| Type | Typical NZ price |
|---|---|
| Harness only | Around $40 |
| Beginner dildo and belt set | $35 to $50 |
| Complete kits and bundles | $75 to $125 |
| Vibrating strap-ons | Around $60 |
Which strap-on should you start with
| If you want | Try this | Price |
|---|---|---|
| A simple beginner dildo | Strap-On Joy Dildo | $35.99 |
| A complete dildo and belt set | Strap On Pleasures Dildo & Belt | $49.99 |
| A harness to pair with your own dildo | Strap On Harness (Garment Only) | $39.99 |
| A vibrating option | Strap On Fantasy Vibrator | $59.99 |
| A fuller size kit | 8-Inch Dildo & Strap-on Bundle | $84.98 |
| A double dildo harness | Strap-On Play Double Dildo Female Harness | $74.99 |
Common mistakes to avoid
- Starting too big. A modest dildo is far easier to enjoy. You can always size up once you are comfortable.
- Skimping on lube. Use plenty of water based lube, and more again for anal play.
- Rushing the first time. Fit the harness, go slow, and treat early sessions as relaxed practice.
- Forgetting to communicate. The wearer cannot feel the dildo, so the receiving partner needs to guide the pace out loud.
- Using the wrong dildo. For a harness, and especially for anal play, the dildo must have a flared base.
Cleaning and care
Wash the dildo with warm water and a mild toy cleaner before and after use, and dry it fully before storing. Harness straps can usually be spot cleaned or hand washed, but check the care notes for your set. Use water based lubricant with silicone dildos so you do not damage them, and store everything somewhere cool and dry. Kept well, a good strap-on set lasts for years.
Where to go next
New to this? Our strap-on guide for curious beginners covers the first steps gently, and our guide to using a dildo and guide to sex toys for women are useful companions. When you are ready, browse the full strap-on collection or pick a dildo from the dildos collection. Everything ships in plain, discreet packaging, so you can explore this at your own pace and in complete privacy.